my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
