how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize