All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
