I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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