Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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