My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
