Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
