So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize