I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
