I heard we made out
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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