2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.