this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?