I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat