we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack