She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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