I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
