I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
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Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
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just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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