I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
