ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i think i have herpe
just one?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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