if i can run in heels then i can drive
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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