I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
