i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
