I like to think it a success when the cops are called
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
