Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
