i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'm bleeding and have questions
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