you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
