i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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