It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
