My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
