I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
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