dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
