my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
