I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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