I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
