Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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