Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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