His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
