I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
