I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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