I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
