so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
