C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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