i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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