After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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