Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
