Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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