My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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