before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Randomize
