you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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