I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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