I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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