Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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