Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
