I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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