i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
