I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
