I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
