Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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