I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
