is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
