i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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