Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
