I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
