I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
