you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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