this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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