Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.