My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
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This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
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I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.