I just threw up on my dentist
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.