Are we in a gay sports bar?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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