I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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