His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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