Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
