fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
